Only the battles

The United States- the world even- is based and built on SUCCESS. What we don't realize is that society is equally just as much about FAILURE. For every WINNER there is a LOSER. You can't win every time. In fact, if you think about it, there aren't winners. Only losers. Once you reach a goal, you still haven't won because there is another goal to be set. There is no limit to success. You keep going and going. That's why there are no victories. Only the battles.

An Equalizer

Too often, people make the assumption that self harm is when people "don't think they're beautiful" so they cut they're wrists. They would be mostly incorrect.
Cutting can be a way to feel pain when it seems like you can't feel anything else. You just want to feel Something.
The most relatable reason (for me) is an equalizer. I hate making other people feel pain. If I have yelled at someone or hurt their feelings I feel awful. As any person would. I have caused them emotional pain. So in order to kind of equalize the universe or make the pain the same on both my side and the person I hurt, I cause myself physical pain. Maybe it doesn't seem rational to someone from the outside but when you are in that position and you feel that you've caused someone emotional pain, it seems like a reasonable answer.
Then you look back later and see those scars... It's kinda scary. It reminds you of a dark time. A lonely night when the earth seemed to stop spinning and it was just you and that inanimate blade that seemed so alive. It slit and carved memories into your skin taking the guilt and leaving the pain. It equalizes the universe and in that moment after the harm is done, everything is perfect... Except for you.

Disappointment

One of my biggest fears is disappointing others. I hate the feeling that you have let someone down and not lived up to their expectations. I've always wanted people to be happy with me. I've never wanted conflict so when it happens I'm not sure how to handle it. I usually end up shutting down and let it destroy my confidence.
I only bring this up because it happened today (it's happened more than once a d there have been more extreme examples but this is what made me think of my weakness). It was during my art class. The teacher announced that we needed to turn it our take home projects and it completely slipped my mind that we had to do one. So when she said it I was like "crap...". But then I realized that only one person in our small class of 7 people only 1 person did it so I didn't think she would me as mad at just me. Maybe she would bead at the class in general. But no... That's not how it happened. Unfortunately I was the last person she asked and that's when she snapped and started getting upset. Then she asked why I didn't do it and all I could say was that I just forgot. So she said things like "I'm just disappointed" and "you always turn in your projects on time". Instead of me saying something back I just kinda took it all on me like a burden. It weighed heavily on me all day and probably won't be lifted until I turn in the project. I wish I didn't take things so personally. I wish I didn't empathize as much as I do. I wish I didn't care what other people think of me as much as I do...

Snow plow

Today's Video: Snow Plow

Enjoy it, void

New Video!

Forgot to post that I uploaded a video yesterday.

Leaving a Mark

Time keeps passing by but it doesn't feel real. The earth doesn't feel like it spinning 1070 miles per hour. I can't feel the earth moving beneath me. I can't feel myself aging. Yet, it happens without me or anyone else having to pay attention to it. Time passes, people age, and no one seems to notice. We live our lives that often don't seem to matter. The majority of us won't ever make a HUGE impact. Not everyone can solve world hunger, cure cancer, and bring world peace. The few of us that do are lucky because they are leaving a mark that is beautiful and important. Then, there are those who leave scars. Who didn't live there life to the fullest, but instead caused hurt, pain, and suffering. Who will I be? Will I leave a positive mark, negative mark, or no mark at all?

Erin's Blog

Oh, yeah since Erin mentioned my blog I guess I should mention hers ;)
alwayserinmarri.blogspot.com

VIDEO BLOG!

FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I HAVE ACTUALLY FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH SOMETHING THAT I SAID I WAS GOING TO DO! You're welcome America. I have created a VLOG! Go visit that shit --> Erin and Shelby's Vlog

Basically, Erin and I will be posting videos on YouTube directed towards each other. It will have no point but to be fun to make.

P.S. I got the idea from vlogbrothers so I am giving them credit at this point :)

video blog?

Soooooooo, I'm thinking about starting a blog to go along with my written blog. Basically, my best friend Erin and I would be under the same YouTube username and every week or so we would make a video. We would just talk to each other. Like every video would start "Hey Erin" or "Hey Shelby" (Shelby is my name BTW). I don't know.. and nobody is going to read this so who the hell am I talking to? ..... okay things just got awkward.. bye

Unbreakable Bond

8 episodes of Doctor Who later, I LOVE THE SHOW SO MUCH! This show and I have a relationship now. An unbreakable bond that can only be shared between a young girl and her favorite tv show.

But then my sister tells me not to get to attached because every season they switch the actors!!!! What the hell? This show may just kill me..

First of Doctor Who

I just watched the first episode of Doctor Who and ASDCJASDFKASDCNKDSFAKSHDANJDLJS!! Granted, The cinematography is quite poor, it's a very interesting and exciting show! Btw, If anyone out there is reading this, I SO SHIP ROSE AND THE DOCTOR! Ive only seen the first episode so I don't know how long she sticks around, but SHE WENT WITH HIM IN THE TARDIS!! asdcjkabdfnlvkj!! More posts later on this :)

Society Killed The Romance

I recently found out that some couples close to my family are having issues.

It honestly doesn't make sense to me. How can someone intentionally hurt another person. Not physically, but emotionally. When you are in a marriage, that means that you have committed to that person. You will only ever love that person until the day you die. When someone breaks that promise and is fooling around with their BEST FRIEND'S HUSBAND it seems unforgivable. How could you do that to, well, both of your best friends (Your husband being one of your friends)?

Then there is another couple where one one them is asking for a divorce. The wife is saying that she does't love her husband anymore. Why do people fall in and out of love so quickly? They have been married for more than 15 years and now one of them has just stopped loving?

It's all hard to believe, but I guess that is what society is now. People say I love you even if they don't mean it. They cheat on their spouses but don't realize the damage they are causing. Isn't love suppose to be sacred? It's a promise. And love is keeping the promise anyway. That's why marriage vows are "In sickness and in health, for rich or for poor." You keep the promise no matter what the circumstance.

Now love is just a shout into the void. It has lost meaning. And we have society to thank.

balance

Sometimes it seems like there is not enough good in the world to counteract the bad. There is just so much evil and sin that it overpowers anything positive. I never like to watch the news because I don't  like what I see. People are starving, sick and innocent lives are being taken. I don't think I could ever have children because I wouldn't want to bring them into a world with so much pain and suffering. There has to be a balance. 

A Beginning

I never thought I would be starting a blog, but here I am. My best friend Erin and I have both decided to start one. We decided we would both delete our Twitters because we basically hate everyone and try something different. We both wanted to share our thoughts still, but in a way that only strangers would have a chance of seeing. I honesty, could care less if anybody reads this, though. I just want to put my thoughts out there into the void that is space and time and the internet. I think way too much and I am hoping that this is a place where I can write all of those thoughts down instead of keeping them trapped inside of my head. Well, enjoy my ranting and ideas, great Void.